So my roommate technically "catfished" this chick last night off Tinder. I knew something was up soon as she walked in cuz she was way out of his league.
I was watching Netflix in the living room when all the sudden the Doorbell rings, and he comes flying out his room to get it. He walks in with the chick and tells her she can hang out on the couch with me. He walks back to his room At this point im thinking this is some kind of drug deal cuz he does sell green to supplement his income.
So the chick asks when Elliott will be here, which is our other roommate. Things are making sense now, cause Elliott is a good looking dude and hooks up with alot of women. So i go to ask Bryan where Elliott is...he plays dumb like he doesnt know anything and starts dialing Elliotts # while we head back to the living room. With a stroke of genius Bryan activates the Speaker function on his cell phone so me and the girl can here the convo. He starts off with some small talk about when hes coming back with the beer and Elliott responds hes not cause hes at Mirandas house and staying the night. Bryan looks at both of us, and mouth whispers "OH SNAP" . Bryan says hell TTYL and ends the call. So Bryan explains the situation to us (flexing his acting skills on both of us - he didnt reveal to me what he did until after she left)
Apparently before i had got home, "Elliott" was on Tinder and had swiped right on Bailey (the girl who showed up). While Bailey was driving 2 our apt complex "Elliott" texted her he had gone out on a beer run and should be back by the time she arrive, but if not that Bryan would let her in. At this point Bryan is glancing back and forth at us, but starts focusing eye contact mostly with Bailey. He explains to her that Miranda is Elliotts on/off girlfriend hes been with since high school and hell drop everything hes doing to be with her and that its a shame she drove all this way 4 nada. At this point Bryan is turning up his finesse game and tells her hes got something for her and he'll be back in a second. At this point im back on the couch watching Netflix, but at this point im in more suspense with this situation than the documentary im watching lol. So anyways Bryan cups his hand into the girls, and goes into his sales pitch ive seen him do dozens of times in the past. (Billy Mays swag)
This chick is looking apprehensive like "did this dude really just hand me a bag of weed..." but before she can hand it back to him, Bryan does his whole talk about how its a super exclusive strain of marijuana that celebs in the 90s like Tupac and Biggie used to smoke but the growers in Indonesia accidently killed most of the crops with improper farming methods. But a genealogist was able to recreate the strain in a lab and now certain Instagram influencers like Charli Damelio were selling these same bags for 100 dollars each on the dark web. Bryan starts fronting like he has big time connections and gets it for cheap at wholesale bulk prices so its a simple gift from him to her and not a big deal.
So he starts walking her to the door, but when they reach the doorway he turns around and says "You know what...i forgot 2 tell you but this weed is super strong, and unless you have a really good Vaping system the odor will get trapped in your car or whereever you smoke it. He asked her if she wanted to see the new rig he had just imported from Mexico and she followed him back into the room. So long story short, Bryan somehow ends up making this chick who prolly wouldve never gave him the time a day in any normal circumstance, comfortable enuff to the point he was able to do the deed. When they went back to his room he turned on a Spotify Playlist super loud so i couldnt really hear much, but i think he convinced her to take off her clothes just to lessen the chance that it might linger on the fabric.
So anywho, i had fallen asleep while watching Netflix on the couch and when i woke up she was gone. Bryan high fived me, and explained he stole Elliots pics off his Instagram, and Elliotts IG is Private so his pics cannot be Reverse Google Image Searched.
So this fake Elliot Tinder is getting like an unprecedented amounts of swipes and matches, dude said in the first hour it had gotten 5 and by the end of the night over 30.
So he texting back and forth laying the pimp game down, and brushes off Bailey's request for a last name by telling her he wants to make sure shes not a stalker before he gives access to Facebook. She falls for it hook line sinker and doesnt question him any further.
He texts her the address, and tell her ro HURRY or else he gonna hookup with another chick if she not there by a certain time. The funny thing is, Bryan was borderline trolling throughout the whole text convo and sent her a D pic he stole off some random P0rn star Twitter acct. I guess being so over the top cemented it in her mind that he was for real, cause an average looking guy would probably beg her to come over, while a dude with options could threaten to replace her with another female. Just goes to show you , even a top tier chick will put up with outrageous demands and essentially be reduced to a "simp" for the right type of ghy.
Do yall think i should tell Elliott about Bryan stealing his pictures next time i see him? I know what hes doing is wrong, but at the same time Bryan is the only one whose name is on the lease, he sublets the rooms to me and Elliott so Id feel kind of guilty if i snitch.
