For My NT Brothers In A Relationship: Do You Keep Quiet When Things Bother You Fearing That You Will

[danzinreallife]

I've been guilty of biting my tongue and letting things slide with my ex. He liked talking %##+ out, I didn't. Most things ended up being my fault when more often than not they were his.

*kanyeshrug* I learned my lesson never to go for someone like that again.

 

[DCAllAfrican]

For those that didn't understand what I was trying to say hopefully this helps.

A lot of times WE as men don't complain or speak our minds because we don't want to appear to be worried, insecure, or bothered.

An example would be a friend of mine had an issue with his woman still communicating with past lovers. It bothered him but he refused to let her know this because he didn't want to appear worried or insecure. I constantly told him that it will only get worse if he doesn't speak up about it because you will just keep it bottled up. And that is not the way to go.

But I agree, you have to pick your battles. Some minor things aren't worth it, but you shouldn't just keep it all within. Communication is key.

 

[israel5ekla]

Communication is essential. Learned that the hard way, If something is on your mind, let it out.

 

[dabottom305]

Based on her reaction that'll let you know if she's guilty or not.. The more hostile ones generally are..

 

[yungsatellite]

I do it all the time..

I'm not the best at expressing emotion(an aquarian trait by nature)

So I just keep *#+@ bottled up

Or if I beging to express what I'm feeling I just stop in mid sentence..

Either I can't express it in the best words possible ..

Or I feel *#+@ won't change the situation or may even make the situation worse..

Esp when things are heated...

I would just shut down emotionally

something I know I need to change and I'm working on as I get older..

 

[flyjr22]

I usually don't hold stuff in or keep from expressing my stuff and when it comes to these posts I'm usually answering the questions not asking them but....

If I indirectly hint that I have no idea what is going on in this girl's head by saying "I don't know what you feel/think about this relationship (which we're only dating I guess you can say not a "true" relationship) because you've never expressed how you've felt and the only perspective I know is my own...."

and shorty still doesn't say anything.....is it safe to assume shorty don't care? she's real kool, REAL kool! not to mention attractive as hell, but I swear not once has she said she cared about me or even gave me a compliment.

I know she has to have some kind of interest me cuz she texts/calls me first thing in the morning, texts me continuously throughout the day and calls/texts me b4 she goes to bed. She's too mature to be the game playing type but I don't think she likes for guys to know exactly what's going on in her head or EXACTLY how she feels.

I'm just looking for some kind of reassurance that I'm not wasting my time with this girl. Known her since high school exchanged numbers on facebook and we've been talkin for about 2.5 months. I'm not in a rush at all, I have an extreme amount of patience maybe too much but, I have to know some things before stuff gets beyond the point of no return....give a brotha some genuine advice NT....

 

[undermedicated]

Originally Posted by DCAllAmerican

For those that didn't understand what I was trying to say hopefully this helps.

A lot of times WE as men don't complain or speak our minds because we don't want to appear to be worried, insecure, or bothered.

An example would be a friend of mine had an issue with his woman still communicating with past lovers. It bothered him but he refused to let her know this because he didn't want to appear worried or insecure. I constantly told him that it will only get worse if he doesn't speak up about it because you will just keep it bottled up. And that is not the way to go.

But I agree, you have to pick your battles. Some minor things aren't worth it, but you shouldn't just keep it all within. Communication is key.

Im dealing with my gf telling me shes friends with her X's or guys shes fooled around with and i told her i got a problem with that but she always says their my friends tho and they give me good advice

. You have any idea on what i should do?

 

[mytmouse76]

Originally Posted by YungSatellite

I do it all the time..

I'm not the best at expressing emotion(an aquarian trait by nature)

So I just keep *#+@ bottled up

Or if I beging to express what I'm feeling I just stop in mid sentence..

Either I can't express it in the best words possible ..

Or I feel *#+@ won't change the situation or may even make the situation worse..

Esp when things are heated...

I would just shut down emotionally

something I know I need to change and I'm working on as I get older..

all this...i hate confrontation and honestly talking about my feelings sometimes makes me feel like a punk...as if i can't let someone know they got me feelin off about a situation...

don't think she likes for guys to know exactly what's going on in her head or EXACTLY how she feels.
and this but not just with guys with anyone...

i don't like to show i'm not on my ##$$

 

[DCAllAfrican]

Originally Posted by UnderMedicated

Im dealing with my gf telling me shes friends with her X's or guys shes fooled around with and i told her i got a problem with that but she always says their my friends tho and they give me good advice

. You have any idea on what i should do?

You might have to leave her alone man if she isn't willing to put all of them aside for you. I can't deal with a female (on THAT level) that keeps in "touch" with people she has a history with like that. They are NOT just friends. That is bull and she knows it.

Have her listen to this: http://www.theurbanrenaissanceman.com/tariq/160.mp3 - Women: You do NOT have male friends.

 

[andown goes frasier]

idk with the girl im with i used to keep things that brother me inside cuz something small would end up being something big. then when are started open she use it against me. i really need to leave her alone bm shes da mom of my 6yo daughter. if it wants for that i woulda left her alone a long time ago.

 

[luxurious24]

no matter wat i stay true to wat i feel, so if somethings botherin i let her know, i'm not into fronting, everyone gets insecure, everyone feels weak at times, but not everyone speaks about it, it takes a strong person to admit stuff like that, do u and dont worry bout wat they think, works fa me.

 

[general johnson]

Originally Posted by play2much2004

Originally Posted by DoubleJs07

small, insignificant

I brush off....the major stuff, I get that off my chest. You aren't doing yourself any favors by keeping

bottled up. If anything, you're setting yourself up for a big explosion. Relationships are doomed if there is no communication.

I agree

As do I.

 

[black jesus]

nah i speak my mind and i dont bite my tounge...but i'm respectful w/ it though

 

[send one]

To avoid feeling "insecure/weak", no.

To avoid something bigger, yes.

Sometimes when my wife complains about certain things it makes me feel like I don't complain enough.

 

[BANLEU]

No I think being scared of being seen as insecure and weak makes you insecure and weak. If you're really not insecure you won't be afraid to tell a girl what is bothering you.

 

[noreasonabledoubt]

Do not bottle it up at all. In the end, how is she supposed to know what she is doing isn't cool with you? If you bottle it up, even though you didnt tell her, you have this inner anger that youve told her a million times and she should already know not to do it and all that ends up happenning is a big argument. Just be upfront with her tell her you dont appreciate whatever it is and that you just wanted to let her know. If she changes good, if she doesnt and it's a big deal, then you have a choice to make - deal with it, try to compromise, or leave.

 

[dathbgboy]

Nope, I don't speak out. Not for fear of lookin insecure/weak but so that I let the situation marinate on my mind longer and +*+*+ the situation. I used to just spaz for no reason and in the end I think about it like "Damn, what the $$#% was I mad over?" So now I let the plot grow, while the pot brews.

 

[mojodmonky1]

Originally Posted by SEND ONE

To avoid feeling "insecure/weak", no.

To avoid something bigger, yes.

Sometimes when my wife complains about certain things it makes me feel like I don't complain enough.

man i know how you feel.  it almost makes me want to complain and pick a fight to keep things on an even level.

  

 

[iheartboost]

No, I just don't feel like telling her.

 

[juve9ile18]

Depends on the severity of the problem or situation. If it's something that will make you question whether to continue the relationship or not...do bring it up. If it's little stuff, just let it be. Unless it's a reoccurring problem. Don't get use to sweeping things under the rug though.

 

[octobersfinest]

My girlfriend isn't a #+$#+. I can talk about things with her. We're both human and realize that if you have feelings about something, then you have feelings about something. As long as what I'm complaining about isn't how she doesn't slurp like J. Haze, then I usually just put it out there.