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User 37837
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Dumb things you've heard people say
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So a producer from death row walks into the store.
Me: Did you see that guy? You see his chain? He's from death row!
Girl: Yea (confused face)
Me: What?
Girl: Well....if he's from death row, why is he out of prison?
Me:
Me: Did you see that guy? You see his chain? He's from death row!
Girl: Yea (confused face)
Me: What?
Girl: Well....if he's from death row, why is he out of prison?
Me:
hella handsome
Banned
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Originally Posted by jm2000
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Originally Posted by hella handsome
Originally Posted by jm2000
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killing time at sports authority in daly city...
me - "excuse me, do you guys carry the right handed baseball bat"
dude - "i think they have them on the bat rack, come follow me"
(following dude)...
dude - "oh well we actually don't have anymore in stock,yeah... sorry"
me - "oh ok no problem, how about a left handed football?"
dude - "you might want to try the sports authority in the city or foster city, they get more shipment than we do"
me - "excuse me, do you guys carry the right handed baseball bat"
dude - "i think they have them on the bat rack, come follow me"
(following dude)...
dude - "oh well we actually don't have anymore in stock,yeah... sorry"
me - "oh ok no problem, how about a left handed football?"
dude - "you might want to try the sports authority in the city or foster city, they get more shipment than we do"
pig love
Banned
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Easy:
Just look at the deficit Obama has caused!!
Just look at the deficit Obama has caused!!
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Back when I worked finishline. It was a mom and a few 10 year old kids:
Mom: hey where are your parents?
Kid1: they're at Macys.
Mom: but that's dangerous. Somebody could kidnap you.
Kid2: yeah they'll kidnap you and then they'll RAPE YOU!
Mom: (stoneface)
I was crying laughing.
Mom: hey where are your parents?
Kid1: they're at Macys.
Mom: but that's dangerous. Somebody could kidnap you.
Kid2: yeah they'll kidnap you and then they'll RAPE YOU!
Mom: (stoneface)
I was crying laughing.
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Holy Moly Donut ShopOriginally Posted by hella handsome
Originally Posted by jm2000
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"Say something in Iraq" - girl talking to our Palestinian friend
"Do you rent movies" - customer at blockbuster
"Do you rent movies" - customer at blockbuster
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Originally Posted by amine2345
Originally Posted by supahoopa
im about to eat at my guys house..
pam: u dont want any bacon?
me: no ma'am im fine i dont eat pork.
pam: we have ham! do you want any of that?
in 9th grade my social studies teacher asked me to give a talk about islam to our class, so someone asks about what can be eaten
me: well, we don't eat pork...
teacher: so you've never eaten pork?
me: no.
teacher: not even ham?
me: no.
teacher: not even bacon?
me: no.
teacher: what about fried chicken? i LOVE fried chicken!
me:
but it brung the
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but how you not going to have service at your own park??
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Exactly. Every time I'm at the Verizon store I always expect excellent reception
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my tells me this story..
brother: hey prof. all these math problems are too much..
prof: well sometimes u just gotta cotton pickin' do it!
brother: prof. some sayings should just die.
brother: hey prof. all these math problems are too much..
prof: well sometimes u just gotta cotton pickin' do it!
brother: prof. some sayings should just die.
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While working at the gap:
"where are your Nautica jackets?"
"where are your sockses"
Classmate/teammate:
"I smoke trees. My dad does. I only smoke weed" - stoneface
"who goes to Spanish parties?" - I tell him Spanish people, whole train laughs at him"
Random people:
"the internet came out with windows 95"
My brother:
"I wouldnt mind visiting upstate, like somewhere in PA"
Coworker:
"the client wants to know what an average rating is" - that's like asking what a black cat is.
"where are your Nautica jackets?"
"where are your sockses"
Classmate/teammate:
"I smoke trees. My dad does. I only smoke weed" - stoneface
"who goes to Spanish parties?" - I tell him Spanish people, whole train laughs at him"
Random people:
"the internet came out with windows 95"
My brother:
"I wouldnt mind visiting upstate, like somewhere in PA"
Coworker:
"the client wants to know what an average rating is" - that's like asking what a black cat is.
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"i'm 100% almost positive"
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"that in a building construction, the civil engineer is higher in position than the architect"... SMH to this.
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Apparently you have never seen Ancient Aliens.
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at work today a young chick came in dressed like a dude.....she asked if we had slacks that were "fitted" tight, to hug around your butt, thigh region....and I got confused because we're in the men section and I'm like "men slacks don't come in the kind of description that she's looking for" to my knowledge.....so I take her over to the slacks area and she says they're all too loose.
so I direct her to a co-worker, and he searches for some, comes up empty
later on after I ring her up...he tells me she was looking for slacks that didn't have the crotch hanging so low and was searching for some that were higher up....
LOL I was like there's a reason why the crotch part is made to hang low, it's THE MEN'S SECTION of my store, why would we have slacks with the crotch part drawn up to our nads?
I wanted to tell her to check the women's department, but then again I seen the way she was dressed so it probably would have offended her.
so I direct her to a co-worker, and he searches for some, comes up empty
later on after I ring her up...he tells me she was looking for slacks that didn't have the crotch hanging so low and was searching for some that were higher up....
LOL I was like there's a reason why the crotch part is made to hang low, it's THE MEN'S SECTION of my store, why would we have slacks with the crotch part drawn up to our nads?
I wanted to tell her to check the women's department, but then again I seen the way she was dressed so it probably would have offended her.
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I have customers who as me to figure out how much is 50% off of a price.
You can't figure out that half of $50 is $25?
Morons.
You can't figure out that half of $50 is $25?
Morons.
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A couple situations involving my job (I'm a Quantity Surveyor (also known as a Cost Engineer or Cost Manager)) smh nearly every single time. Unless they're in the construction industry.
A lady I play netball with: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor.
Lady: that's a shame, after the earthquake there isn't much land left for you to survey.
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor. Not a land surveyor.
Lady: Oh, they're different?
Me: Completely different
I deal with buildings so there's going to be a butt load of work for me when we rebuild the city.
Multiple people: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor.
M. People: ohhh! So land surveying?
Me: No. Quantity surveying. If I was a land surveyor I'd have said LAND surveyor.
A lady I play netball with: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor.
Lady: that's a shame, after the earthquake there isn't much land left for you to survey.
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor. Not a land surveyor.
Lady: Oh, they're different?
Me: Completely different
Multiple people: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor.
M. People: ohhh! So land surveying?
Me: No. Quantity surveying. If I was a land surveyor I'd have said LAND surveyor.
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I was playing basketball and one guy went back-court. We called it a back-court violation, but then he said, "How? We're playing a full-court game!"
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Originally Posted by DanzInRealLife
A couple situations involving my job (I'm a Quantity Surveyor (also known as a Cost Engineer or Cost Manager)) smh nearly every single time. Unless they're in the construction industry.
A lady I play netball with: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor.
Lady: that's a shame, after the earthquake there isn't much land left for you to survey.
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor. Not a land surveyor.
Lady: Oh, they're different?
Me: Completely differentI deal with buildings so there's going to be a butt load of work for me when we rebuild the city.
Multiple people: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a quantity surveyor.
M. People: ohhh! So land surveying?
Me: No. Quantity surveying. If I was a land surveyor I'd have said LAND surveyor.
who know what a land surveyor is doe?
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Who plays with backcourt violations in a pick up game? Generally half court is "out of bounds" in a half court game. Do you guys call 3 in the key too?
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My brother and I while visiting cousins in California were invited to their school to sit in class with them one day, we were all around 12-14 years old.
Student - Where are you boys from?
Me - Zimbabwe.
Student - Where's that?
Teacher - In Europe.
Me - Um no, it's a country in Africa (Teacher goes bright red)
Student - In Europe?
Me - No Africa is a continent, with over 40 different countries
Student - But you are white, how are white people in Europe?
Me -
It gets worse or better depending on how you see it:
Student - Do you guys have school, how do you get around?
My brother (quick thinking) - Well an elephant comes past everyone's house and picks us up. And the reason why a Zebra crossing is called that is because when a Zebra crosses the street you have to stop. We aren't allowed out after sunset cause that's when Lions come out to hunt.
I struggled not to laugh.
No one doubted what my brother said, they all nodded in awe.
But we were dead on the floor when we left that day.
Student - Where are you boys from?
Me - Zimbabwe.
Student - Where's that?
Teacher - In Europe.
Me - Um no, it's a country in Africa (Teacher goes bright red)
Student - In Europe?
Me - No Africa is a continent, with over 40 different countries
Student - But you are white, how are white people in Europe?
Me -
It gets worse or better depending on how you see it:
Student - Do you guys have school, how do you get around?
My brother (quick thinking) - Well an elephant comes past everyone's house and picks us up. And the reason why a Zebra crossing is called that is because when a Zebra crosses the street you have to stop. We aren't allowed out after sunset cause that's when Lions come out to hunt.
I struggled not to laugh.
No one doubted what my brother said, they all nodded in awe.
But we were dead on the floor when we left that day.
