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[wawaweewa]

No matter what you do, do it when your child is still very young and not able to fully comprehend the situation. There is a point where it would become too late to act and if you do, it'll hurt your child (mentally) in a major way.

If it's not working out, it's not working out. Simple as that. There is no point in dragging it out and in fact it could hurt your child more if you two do stick together.

Having your child grow up in a fractious home all her life is most likely worse than forcing your child to have parents who are divorced.

 

[mangudai954]

Originally Posted by General Johnson

I disagree, OP shouldn't have to give up anything. Why must he change who he is in order to make someone else happy?

As long as he's spending time and helping out, he should be able to do whatever he wants to with his time. Do you cats really think that marriage is an all day love fest where you are on top of one another all the time?

That's how it is for some people. I know a guy who cant play video games without his wife's permission or being up under him.

 

[mangudai954]

Originally Posted by General Johnson

I disagree, OP shouldn't have to give up anything. Why must he change who he is in order to make someone else happy?

As long as he's spending time and helping out, he should be able to do whatever he wants to with his time. Do you cats really think that marriage is an all day love fest where you are on top of one another all the time?

That's how it is for some people. I know a guy who cant play video games without his wife's permission or being up under him.

 

[wawaweewa]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

hey man this is life...you have to try your best to make right by your kids as well as yourself...if honestly your doing everything for this girl and she's not reciprocating it in any way shape or form then you need to cut that *%$*# out...Because she will definitely do some heinous !%#@ to you in due time.

If divorce is the only option and since she's a bottomfeeder I say start taking your money out in $1000 increments from the bank and just hiding whatever money you have at your mom or sister or whoever you trust 100000% house. If you transfer funds to someone in divorce proceedings the judge will go after them...you need to think in a worst-case scenario mode right now.

Don't let her have half when she contributed nothing. Play it up that you want to make things work with her WHILE you are getting your money away from her...I really hope you don't let her handle anything financial if so then you need to be careful...very very careful.

If it can work through counseling then god speed but if not then you need to protect your %+# and watch out for your kids because guess what...when she takes half of whatever you got you think all of that is going to the kids??? Nope thats going towards a coach pocketbook and some other unnecessary !%#@.

Of course marriage as well as most other relationships involve compromise but if what you posted is true you've done your share of it already 2 fold. GL

This.

Also, if she is as ungrateful as you say she is then I'd go to a divorce lawyer, pay the consult fee, and basically ask: " Getting a divorce is a very real possibility for me. How do I protect my finances and what do I need to do to ensure myself a greater chance of getting custody of the kid."

It seems in many cases that dudes go into divorce blind, get raped, and then complain. It's understood that women have the advantage but I'm sure there are ways to put yourself in a better position. Documentation and evidence is key and there's a right way to go about collecting and presenting it in order to aid you in a potential divorce.

If you're going to do it. Give yourself and your child the best chance possible. Especially, if the situation is as you claim it is.

 

[wawaweewa]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

hey man this is life...you have to try your best to make right by your kids as well as yourself...if honestly your doing everything for this girl and she's not reciprocating it in any way shape or form then you need to cut that *%$*# out...Because she will definitely do some heinous !%#@ to you in due time.

If divorce is the only option and since she's a bottomfeeder I say start taking your money out in $1000 increments from the bank and just hiding whatever money you have at your mom or sister or whoever you trust 100000% house. If you transfer funds to someone in divorce proceedings the judge will go after them...you need to think in a worst-case scenario mode right now.

Don't let her have half when she contributed nothing. Play it up that you want to make things work with her WHILE you are getting your money away from her...I really hope you don't let her handle anything financial if so then you need to be careful...very very careful.

If it can work through counseling then god speed but if not then you need to protect your %+# and watch out for your kids because guess what...when she takes half of whatever you got you think all of that is going to the kids??? Nope thats going towards a coach pocketbook and some other unnecessary !%#@.

Of course marriage as well as most other relationships involve compromise but if what you posted is true you've done your share of it already 2 fold. GL

This.

Also, if she is as ungrateful as you say she is then I'd go to a divorce lawyer, pay the consult fee, and basically ask: " Getting a divorce is a very real possibility for me. How do I protect my finances and what do I need to do to ensure myself a greater chance of getting custody of the kid."

It seems in many cases that dudes go into divorce blind, get raped, and then complain. It's understood that women have the advantage but I'm sure there are ways to put yourself in a better position. Documentation and evidence is key and there's a right way to go about collecting and presenting it in order to aid you in a potential divorce.

If you're going to do it. Give yourself and your child the best chance possible. Especially, if the situation is as you claim it is.

 

[pip777]

Wow OP. I hope that the counseling works. If it don't work, follow Grimlock's and Wawa's advice.

 

[pip777]

Wow OP. I hope that the counseling works. If it don't work, follow Grimlock's and Wawa's advice.

 

[essential1]

the beauty of marriage is that it is two separate people deciding that they want to spend forever (or intend to) with each other. But that doesn't mean you have to be the same people all of a sudden.. You guys should both do things that you guys enjoyed before marriage but to a lesser degree (clubbing is the one exception that shouldn't be done once married)

But you also live together, so you need to spend a decent amount of time together. Also have a kid together..

I find it hard to believe that you guys dated and didn't have anything in common or things you enjoyed together and it still got married.

Talk that +@$! out man and be real with her, and see how you can make it work.. Try and find commonalities.

That's if you love her still. If you don't you first have an obligation to try and find that love for everyone's sake but if it is not there it is not there..

I'd make a sincere attempt to be real with her and show you want to be with her.. And get some help..

 

[essential1]

the beauty of marriage is that it is two separate people deciding that they want to spend forever (or intend to) with each other. But that doesn't mean you have to be the same people all of a sudden.. You guys should both do things that you guys enjoyed before marriage but to a lesser degree (clubbing is the one exception that shouldn't be done once married)

But you also live together, so you need to spend a decent amount of time together. Also have a kid together..

I find it hard to believe that you guys dated and didn't have anything in common or things you enjoyed together and it still got married.

Talk that +@$! out man and be real with her, and see how you can make it work.. Try and find commonalities.

That's if you love her still. If you don't you first have an obligation to try and find that love for everyone's sake but if it is not there it is not there..

I'd make a sincere attempt to be real with her and show you want to be with her.. And get some help..

 

[bittersweet]

Sad that when one faces some troubles in a relationship they want to dip.

Marriage is a serious thing, I understand why the divorce rate is so high.

When %#!! gets tough, you want out ... you made vows right?

Get the counseling first, THEN decide what you want to do.

Divorce should be the last option ... IMO.

 

[bittersweet]

Sad that when one faces some troubles in a relationship they want to dip.

Marriage is a serious thing, I understand why the divorce rate is so high.

When %#!! gets tough, you want out ... you made vows right?

Get the counseling first, THEN decide what you want to do.

Divorce should be the last option ... IMO.

 

[yeeupp]

Originally Posted by Nextale Nailze

I'm 27... I'm definatly not saying she's the one to blame...  Also I've given up ALL of my hobbies or extra fun $**@ except play codmw2. I don't hoop no more.. I used to produce r and b and hip hop music... I've all but stopped that... I haven't read a comic in like a year...I handle alll my biz at home... All bills are paid and she dosent work at all... I buy her cloths and take her out...I put her threw school to get her associates degree...my kid wants for nothing... So handleing biz I do that... Noe I know in the last 6 months the romance has slipped..

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[yeeupp]

Originally Posted by Nextale Nailze

I'm 27... I'm definatly not saying she's the one to blame...  Also I've given up ALL of my hobbies or extra fun $**@ except play codmw2. I don't hoop no more.. I used to produce r and b and hip hop music... I've all but stopped that... I haven't read a comic in like a year...I handle alll my biz at home... All bills are paid and she dosent work at all... I buy her cloths and take her out...I put her threw school to get her associates degree...my kid wants for nothing... So handleing biz I do that... Noe I know in the last 6 months the romance has slipped..

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[cameron nelson]

Originally Posted by Mark Antony

It's cool to check with NT on stuff, just to see the differing opinions, and sometimes you will get some gems. But at the end of the day, most of them are children at their comfy spot still at home passing judgement on life when they haven't lived.

Truth...

I mean, damn...how many of you TRULY are married? Hell, how many of you have been in a serious relationship living in the same house? Things aren't always as fairy-tale as ya'll make them out to be.

To everybody saying "you've got to give up this and that": in some cases, yes...BUT, there's certain things that I do, or certain places I go that I will NOT give up, merely because you've got to draw the line at some point. There's no point in making her happy but you miserable in the process. That is NOT a 2-way street.

Nextale Nailze: I've been in your position before, and those women are hard to break. They get used to a certain lifestyle, and for them, there's no romance without finance. I would bring up the idea of counseling to her, and if she's not for it, then it may be best to part ways. I'm not an advocate of divorce, but I'm not against it either. I think it's good when 2 people decide they're just not meant to be together and part ways before they waste any more of each other's time. Some people say "stick it out", and bring up the Bible as their means of an argument (knowin damn well they don't live by it any other day), but I say "life is short"...you've only got one, so make the most of it...it's not meant to be sittin around and arguing with one another, esp.if you have a child. People say children should come up in a household w/both parents, but kids can also sense tension and their not being any love in the home

 

[cameron nelson]

Originally Posted by Mark Antony

It's cool to check with NT on stuff, just to see the differing opinions, and sometimes you will get some gems. But at the end of the day, most of them are children at their comfy spot still at home passing judgement on life when they haven't lived.

Truth...

I mean, damn...how many of you TRULY are married? Hell, how many of you have been in a serious relationship living in the same house? Things aren't always as fairy-tale as ya'll make them out to be.

To everybody saying "you've got to give up this and that": in some cases, yes...BUT, there's certain things that I do, or certain places I go that I will NOT give up, merely because you've got to draw the line at some point. There's no point in making her happy but you miserable in the process. That is NOT a 2-way street.

Nextale Nailze: I've been in your position before, and those women are hard to break. They get used to a certain lifestyle, and for them, there's no romance without finance. I would bring up the idea of counseling to her, and if she's not for it, then it may be best to part ways. I'm not an advocate of divorce, but I'm not against it either. I think it's good when 2 people decide they're just not meant to be together and part ways before they waste any more of each other's time. Some people say "stick it out", and bring up the Bible as their means of an argument (knowin damn well they don't live by it any other day), but I say "life is short"...you've only got one, so make the most of it...it's not meant to be sittin around and arguing with one another, esp.if you have a child. People say children should come up in a household w/both parents, but kids can also sense tension and their not being any love in the home

 

[cameron nelson]

Originally Posted by Mangudai954

Originally Posted by General Johnson

I disagree, OP shouldn't have to give up anything. Why must he change who he is in order to make someone else happy?

As long as he's spending time and helping out, he should be able to do whatever he wants to with his time. Do you cats really think that marriage is an all day love fest where you are on top of one another all the time?

That's how it is for some people. I know a guy who cant play video games without his wife's permission or being up under him.

That's his fault for lettin that #*+* happen in the first place.

 

[cameron nelson]

Originally Posted by Mangudai954

Originally Posted by General Johnson

I disagree, OP shouldn't have to give up anything. Why must he change who he is in order to make someone else happy?

As long as he's spending time and helping out, he should be able to do whatever he wants to with his time. Do you cats really think that marriage is an all day love fest where you are on top of one another all the time?

That's how it is for some people. I know a guy who cant play video games without his wife's permission or being up under him.

That's his fault for lettin that #*+* happen in the first place.

 

[nextale nailze]

Just peeped this old post lol wow. Well I'm happily married 6 years in. Things worked themselves out. I grew up. She grew up. We are happy now. Reading this is very interesting 5 years later. I was still a kid.