Confessions

[ogmcmxcii]

Yeah it's hard for me not to think about everything though if that makes sense.

I used to smoke trees, wouldn't say I was a pothead but I had my twice a week type of thing. I did get into heavier drug use though. I was always paranoid from trees in general but now I hate it. I have terrible thoughts with depression already so adding paranoia doesn't help at all. It stopped being a recreational thing. Hate how it makes me feel. I did stop drinking alcohol for a few months. now I'm more of a 1 beer a night type of guy.

I want to remain in control which is why I don't smoke trees because I feel that I'm not. All this "good guy" talk by me but I will say that molly is something I still do though. only about 4 times a year when I do go to raves. I don't down from it but I feel bad about myself that I actually feel happy for once but it came in a pill.

what adds to my depression is that fact and also when I think ahead in the future I won't be happy then so I get more sad now. How can I laugh tomorrow if I can't even smile today?

also my avy works great because like in my sig I love metal music.

Broooo that quote "How can I laugh tomorrow if I can't even smile today" can't even describe...... ......this is real af my same story. Honestly weed at a point of my life (19-22) was life changing. First time seeing an imperfect world clearly and beautiful through an altered mind state. Your reason is the same why I gave it up. I felt carefree but dangerous at the same time being high. I'm lowkey depressed but striving to break through

 

[sooperhooper]

I'm just tired.

 

[ogmcmxcii]

1. I wake up somewhat happy and go about my day but when I bed down for the night thoughts about my life start wondering and worrying me have me toss and turn all night :

2. I constantly front like I'm really going to hang out with people and be dead serious asking for numbers so we could link up or whatever when in actuality I really don't care to socialize with them ever. Phone full of ppl idgaf to hang out with.

3. I'm a recluse/loner currently in my life (btw I'm 23). All I do is wake up, go to work, come home, play gta 4 (I just drive around, shoot/run over people, free play no missions (video games have died off for me after 2012), and sleep. Repeat.

4. I feel like a kid at heart so it's hard to get out and be an adult sometimes.

5. Cut ties with all dead weight friends except one dude who was my HS classmate that moved back to Cali a year after graduation. I used to clown him and everything back then (dude was smart, a 100% legit person) and he is the only one currently that checks on me every couple of weeks and also updates me on what's going on in his life (He attends the Art Institute majoring in music) and got a nice little studio setup at his crib creating music everyday.

6. When this Navy move falls thru I'm moving to California. Need a fresh start in a new state, city, people in general.

7. Women are dead to me at this point of my life. They all ain't ****. Last chick transformed me from a genuine caring person into a pissed off **** outta my face **** you ***** loathing monster with no compassion or feelings anymore.

8. I go to church but feel like a stone cold dirty sinner sometimes and feel like sinning all the time (my savagery phase hasn't happened yet).

9. I hate fat chicks now lol couldn't even get one interested in me after I been trying to holla at her for years. She liked my brother but he was like hell naw but I liked her instead but FDB!!!!!!!!!! Now.

10. I'm still a German [emoji]128531[/emoji][emoji]128531[/emoji][emoji]128531[/emoji] **** I wanna lose my accent so bad

 

[Naruto]

Me and the mrs decided to separate back in November due to some issues. I met a chick later on started on seeing her and been feeling her, but my damn mind always goes back to the wife. The wife has since relocated to Arkansas with her parents and she's open to reconciliation, but she doesn't wanna move back to the Chi tho. This new chick is dope all the way around the board, but sometimes I find myself second guessing myself. The wife was up here visiting recently and we had some words and just decided to take some time and think things over. Just a crazy *** situation I swear |I

that's tough man, least you got options right?

1. I wake up somewhat happy and go about my day but when I bed down for the night thoughts about my life start wondering and worrying me have me toss and turn all night :

2. I constantly front like I'm really going to hang out with people and be dead serious asking for numbers so we could link up or whatever when in actuality I really don't care to socialize with them ever. Phone full of ppl idgaf to hang out with.

3. I'm a recluse/loner currently in my life (btw I'm 23). All I do is wake up, go to work, come home, play gta 4 (I just drive around, shoot/run over people, free play no missions (video games have died off for me after 2012), and sleep. Repeat.

4. I feel like a kid at heart so it's hard to get out and be an adult sometimes.

5. Cut ties with all dead weight friends except one dude who was my HS classmate that moved back to Cali a year after graduation. I used to clown him and everything back then (dude was smart, a 100% legit person) and he is the only one currently that checks on me every couple of weeks and also updates me on what's going on in his life (He attends the Art Institute majoring in music) and got a nice little studio setup at his crib creating music everyday.

6. When this Navy move falls thru I'm moving to California. Need a fresh start in a new state, city, people in general.

7. Women are dead to me at this point of my life. They all ain't ****. Last chick transformed me from a genuine caring person into a pissed off **** outta my face **** you ***** loathing monster with no compassion or feelings anymore.

8. I go to church but feel like a stone cold dirty sinner sometimes and feel like sinning all the time (my savagery phase hasn't happened yet).

9. I hate fat chicks now lol couldn't even get one interested in me after I been trying to holla at her for years. She liked my brother but he was like hell naw but I liked her instead but FDB!!!!!!!!!! Now.

10. I'm still a German [emoji]128531[/emoji][emoji]128531[/emoji][emoji]128531[/emoji] **** I wanna lose my accent so bad

damn we got a hella lot in common.

played the **** out of gta 4. you try 5?

 

[ogmcmxcii]

that's tough man, least you got options right?
damn we got a hella lot in common.

played the **** out of gta 4. you try 5?

I still need to get a copy should be on sale by now. It's been a couple months since the first release right?

 

[mwalker]

Them first 3 lines I feel you man. Th 3rd one tho... I really don't feel anything for long periods of time. Sometimes go from happy to sad in a couple of moments, then I'll just go be a dumbass and laugh at stuff for no reason.

Don't really get mad at anything for long either. Do you just explore your personal interests more to find things about yourself you may not have known?

I feel you entirely on that, we alike b 

 I'm usually a goof around everyone but other times I can be reserved, I feel like I gotta act normal for people I just know

I'm only a college student so some of the things I want to do I can't entirely do such as traveling,etc....For me it's just a matter of being open minded to trying new things and not be a lazy *** to do so, but definitely try to explore your personal interests or things related to them ,you can always expand upon them

 

[D Fly]

I get jealous way too easily man. I'm always wanting to sabotage when somebody else has what or who I want..but I wouldn't want the same done to me so I don't do it..I just think about it.

I still need to get a copy should be on sale by now. It's been a couple months since the first release right?

years lol

 

[ogmcmxcii]

I get jealous way too easily man. I'm always wanting to sabotage when somebody else has what or who I want..but I wouldn't want the same done to me so I don't do it..I just think about it.
years lol

Was talking about gta 5. It's been a couple months since first release right?

 

[c money 88 05]

Idk what else to do or where to vent so I'll do it here lol

I feel like 2015 is my year of making changes to my life, it's the first year I've been in position to do so & I've been making **** happen to this point, gotta tell you guys though I'm still bothered by a lot & I think it's because my main change hasn't happened yet...getting a new job.

I started realizing how much I want a new job last week when I found myself tired just at the thought of going back to my desk & it was Saturday/my birthday & I was nowhere near work lol, I've just been putting up with it for so long I deal with things. I don't want to just up & quit because I don't have another job lined up but I'm 27 & wasting the best years of my life right now being miserable with the most hours of my day being spent doing what makes me cringe.

I have a business concept in mind I would LOVE to be working on & I feel like it's a great idea but sometimes I'm just worn out from everything & can't think when it's time to put the work on paper, it's dumb & I have to suck that part up but part of me thinks I don't believe in myself anymore so I've let myself become complacent but in a situation that completely bothers me & it's not good.

I'm seriously considering taking my money in November & moving away to a new city/state to work on my business plan, but again I've created doubt in my mind & now I fear not being able to succeed doing it especially since I'm alone doing this, I have to make it on my own & I feel rattled. Thing is I know I can get it done(I think, back to being unsure lol) but I'm afraid of what happens if I don't get it done & don't get a job right away if I don't.

I've thought about just picking up some part-time job that would give me SOME pay & something different to do but I still think about the fact I have a car to pay for so I do need to have some kind of extra income coming in & again with the doubts, I'm not sure if I can make it work because idk if I believe in myself anymore.

I still have a good amount of shoes, I've really been thinking I'll sell a lot of my shoes off for as much as I can(still attached to them though lol what can I say) & just moving & taking that leap of faith...it's the only way I'll get to the next point but I have to believe in it first...but more than ever I want that to happen. This situation has been impacting the way I treat people & how I feel about other situations & all in a negative manner, I wanted to be in a relationship & found a great girl last month but had to let her go because I saw already I'm not in a position to meet my criteria I have for what makes a good relationship. I'm out here taking Ls in multiple areas because of something I do purely for money & the only feeling I have at the end of the day is that I sold another day of my life & happiness for some money(I'll save the rant for why I don't like money lol but I hate money)

 

[MetalMario]

everyone is going through some struggle just be nice n polite and everyone will make it

 

[hennessy]

I am really bummed out today.

There was a group of interns (~15) that were living in my apartment building this summer. I live in the DMV and all these people live in Cali. I became good friends with a few of the guys. We'd hang out after work almost every day and go out on weekends together. Was cool with the rest of the group too. Eventually I met the girl interns in their group. First night I met the girls I ended up hooking up with one of them. Same girl would come over to hangout out every day after that and stayed over at my place every night but once before she left. We hit it off so well and I really liked her. Unfortunately I met her during her last week here. Last time I saw her was Sunday then she went back to Cali.

The past two nights I went out with the remaining few from the group. It really made me miss the girl because we all used to hang together and she was missing. Then I had to say goodbye to a few of the guys who left today.

For the first time since college ended, I felt like I had a group of friends I liked being around, had things in common with, and was actually excited to see them whenever I encountered them. Two months of great times were had and then I met an amazing girl for the last week.

It's all over now and they are all back in Cali I haven't felt this sad in a long time. My gf of over a year even broke up with me a little over a month ago and I wasn't this sad.

 

[agentorange]

I am really bummed out today.

There was a group of interns (~15) that were living in my apartment building this summer. I live in the DMV and all these people live in Cali. I became good friends with a few of the guys. We'd hang out after work almost every day and go out on weekends together. Was cool with the rest of the group too. Eventually I met the girl interns in their group. First night I met the girls I ended up hooking up with one of them. Same girl would come over to hangout out every day after that and stayed over at my place every night but once before she left. We hit it off so well and I really liked her. Unfortunately I met her during her last week here. Last time I saw her was Sunday then she went back to Cali.

The past two nights I went out with the remaining few from the group. It really made me miss the girl because we all used to hang together and she was missing. Then I had to say goodbye to a few of the guys who left today.

For the first time since college ended, I felt like I had a group of friends I liked being around, had things in common with, and was actually excited to see them whenever I encountered them. Two months of great times were had and then I met an amazing girl for the last week.

It's all over now and they are all back in Cali I haven't felt this sad in a long time. My gf of over a year even broke up with me a little over a month ago and I wasn't this sad.

Keep in touch. Maybe take a trip out to Cali?

 

[cragmatic]

Yeah it's hard for me not to think about everything though if that makes sense.

I used to smoke trees, wouldn't say I was a pothead but I had my twice a week type of thing. I did get into heavier drug use though. I was always paranoid from trees in general but now I hate it. I have terrible thoughts with depression already so adding paranoia doesn't help at all. It stopped being a recreational thing. Hate how it makes me feel. I did stop drinking alcohol for a few months. now I'm more of a 1 beer a night type of guy.

I want to remain in control which is why I don't smoke trees because I feel that I'm not. All this "good guy" talk by me but I will say that molly is something I still do though. only about 4 times a year when I do go to raves. I don't down from it but I feel bad about myself that I actually feel happy for once but it came in a pill.

what adds to my depression is that fact and also when I think ahead in the future I won't be happy then so I get more sad now. How can I laugh tomorrow if I can't even smile today?

also my avy works great because like in my sig I love metal music.

I've been meaning to respond to this for a few days but have been busy/unmotivated to respond lol.

Yeah, I've definitely met some people who say trees make them too paranoid. Understandable. I've dabbled to harder drugs from time to time myself. But man, a little over a year ago, I was at this EDM muisc festival called Elctric Forest where you camp out, and did way more than I'd like to admit. Way out of character for me. I got home, and for I'd say a good week to 10 days, I felt like life was over, and there was absolutely no hope. I was still able to maintain my regular life, work, and still go to the gym, but I felt more depressed and down than I had ever felt, probably ever. Eventually I snapped out of it. I haven't done molly since then.



I had a pretty humbling moment the other day. I met my friends parents for the first time, and his mother has been a quadriplegic for over 20 years. Blew my mind. I couldn't imagine having to live like that for 20 years. Or a year for that matter. There are people who make it through their day to day lives with problems much worse than what mine are, so how can I be sad? I really need ot try and be thankful for what I do have. Even if the world is effed, and how aware of that we are, we should also be aware of the things that we are lucky to have, and be thankful for those

One thing that I'm pretty thankful for is the fact that even if I'm only friends with 1 person from HS school, that's my dude is and is still 10 years later my best friend. Even if I don't see him as much as I used to, I'll always be thankful for the friendship we still have. Going to the A$AP/Tyler show with him and his girl next month, it's been over a year since I've gone to a show with them, so I'm looking forward to that

 

[andretti]

They way my mither talks to me makes me want to put my hands on her
Thinking about moving out during college

Job don't pay enough

 

[andretti]

Carpenter I used to work with owes me money and has been dodging me for too long I wanna **** em up if I see him

 

[ogmcmxcii]

They way my mither talks to me makes me want to put my hands on her
Thinking about moving out during college

Job don't pay enough

Don't do it fam I made the mistake of doing the get buck move on on my mom when I was a teen during an argument moms straight up decked my *** with a broomstick to the face the pain hurt so bad my rage (if I had) probably would have swung hella times. Fought my dad once after he insulted my mom, her family, her dead father and made her sob terrible. Charged him with a slap and he slapped back and I decked him serious we both had each other by the collar and ****. Sad days in my past I regret.

 

[MetalMario]

I've been meaning to respond to this for a few days but have been busy/unmotivated to respond lol.

Yeah, I've definitely met some people who say trees make them too paranoid. Understandable. I've dabbled to harder drugs from time to time myself. But man, a little over a year ago, I was at this EDM muisc festival called Elctric Forest where you camp out, and did way more than I'd like to admit. Way out of character for me. I got home, and for I'd say a good week to 10 days, I felt like life was over, and there was absolutely no hope. I was still able to maintain my regular life, work, and still go to the gym, but I felt more depressed and down than I had ever felt, probably ever. Eventually I snapped out of it. I haven't done molly since then.



I had a pretty humbling moment the other day. I met my friends parents for the first time, and his mother has been a quadriplegic for over 20 years. Blew my mind. I couldn't imagine having to live like that for 20 years. Or a year for that matter. There are people who make it through their day to day lives with problems much worse than what mine are, so how can I be sad? I really need ot try and be thankful for what I do have. Even if the world is effed, and how aware of that we are, we should also be aware of the things that we are lucky to have, and be thankful for those

One thing that I'm pretty thankful for is the fact that even if I'm only friends with 1 person from HS school, that's my dude is and is still 10 years later my best friend. Even if I don't see him as much as I used to, I'll always be thankful for the friendship we still have. Going to the A$AP/Tyler show with him and his girl next month, it's been over a year since I've gone to a show with them, so I'm looking forward to that

Yeah I now about Electric Forest. Every multiple day rave I've been to I've gotten a hotel haha.

That's another problem that just adds to it. I have no real reason to be sad. I make livable money for myself. My close family is in good health. no life altering changes recently for me. I have some friends that I talk to and yet I still have terrible thoughts and I'm sad every single day. makes me feel like a whiner or a failure because it looks like I don't appreciate what I have.

In this process with my depression just getting worse as I go on I wanted to work more and more on myself and F everything else. its gone to small decisions like choosing where to eat with a group of friends when we're out and no one can decide and I choose in ten seconds to a big step (for me at least) which was deleting my facebook. I'm surrounded by useless people. So I cut the BS that contributes nothing to me. They are all people I used to know now. And the ultimate test that's coming up is my birthday. If you're a real friend you don't need a FB reminder that my day is coming up. I know that I will get 3 happy birthdays tops this month. It may be a terrible standard of what's constitutes a friend, knowing their birthday, but I don't care

 

[adobecs4]

I don't know what's wrong with me. When Kendrick said mood swings is frequent, *****, I know what he means. I'm at work, I'm okay. At the gym, I'm. Okay. In school, I'm okay. With my girl, I'm great! But when I'm alone, I'm down. Especially when she's at work or in class. I don't know why. I've improved so much over the last year, with a long way to go. I can go from happy to sad in a matter of minutes. Like today for example. I'm off. No class. Nothing. And I'm down. I feel like I should always be doing something. My lady won't be out of class until later. I'm counting down the hours, but in the meantime I'm sad as he'll locked away in my room. I just don't know why I feel like this daily.

 

[bballkid11]

I don't know what's wrong with me. When Kendrick said mood swings is frequent, *****, I know what he means. I'm at work, I'm okay. At the gym, I'm. Okay. In school, I'm okay. With my girl, I'm great! But when I'm alone, I'm down. Especially when she's at work or in class. I don't know why. I've improved so much over the last year, with a long way to go. I can go from happy to sad in a matter of minutes. Like today for example. I'm off. No class. Nothing. And I'm down. I feel like I should always be doing something. My lady won't be out of class until later. I'm counting down the hours, but in the meantime I'm sad as he'll locked away in my room. I just don't know why I feel like this daily.

You and Me both man...Except my mind plays serious tricks on me when I get alone....I suffer from Medical Anxiety....When I am with my wife or playing ball or gym I am smooth sailing...

When I get ALone..........................

A whole different story bro. I google all my symptoms and start to have real bad anxiety and feel down on what may be my future and begin to think I have some sort of Life ending illness or something. SMH..... My legs cramp and my head starts to hurt and tingle .... I am a Sad story man. :x

 

[cragmatic]

Man.... I must say I've been in a better mood lately. I swear though, music definitely helps dictate my mood, and since all I've been listening to mostly is Compton, I've been in a good mood.

I still feel like I just drift through life day by day, but I have a job interview on Tuesday with a company that would be paying me a considerable amount more than what I make now, just not sure I'd like the job But it's a plus, maybe something new would be good for me.

I do have a weird situation that I'm in... one of my good friend's ex girlfriends that I'm kind of friends with will sometimes text me/tweet me/snap me, etc. I'll admit she's pretty dope, and part of me would love to, but it's still my good friends ex. They broke up over a year ago, and he's in a relationship with someone he's been with for over a year now, she dated someone else and is single now. But I still feel weird about even hanging out with her. But we like a lot of the same music, I went to the J. Cole show with her and her friend. We are going to a few more shows together, which all require a decent amount of travel (3 hours both ways) But at the same time I kinda feel like I'm friend zoned anyway so it doesn't really matter And if I wasn't, if I had the opportunity, I don't know if I could ever take it. for the fact I know her from being a really good friends ex. Not that it matters since I probably am friend zoned Am I wrong for even making plans with her?

 

[aychd]

Bruh I'm in the same situation sort of... my good friends ex is so bad. Always wanted to smash but then again its my boys ex. But then again my boy is currently with his future wife and they have a 1 year old. His ex would hmu every time to hang out after she on bad terms with her man but nothing crazy has happened between us yet. I need that one night with her man in a crib and I'll be in. 

 

[kicx]

still love her even if she did me wrong, simp life for real.
She didn't cheat on me she just couldn't fight for me with her parents
So I guess she didn't really feel the same about me, hopefully this will all pass in time.

 

[cerebralarrow]

You will forget her bro. Once you keep acquiring stacks and realize she is old news. Plenty of fish in the sea bro. Think of it like this..... Her looks will run out. She has to work twice if not more than you,just to keep up. Alot of females in this world bro. You will be ok.

 

[mangudai954]

Doing better but the emptiness is still there. Lately been telling myself im still here so I might as well keep going. It wasn't always like this, maybe this will pass with effort.

 

[301216baller]

I hate when I call my dad about issues he always make me feel like a ***** when he hangs up on me lol