Confessions

[marikomorose]

I think I know why I'm so emotional stoic. They only man I've seen cry was my father in shackles in a prison somewhere va. I can't remember the name, but it got shut down recently due to the living conditions being so poor. I'm sitting here listenig to this little girls very high voice atm and she's bringing back remembers. She should be asleep really. Cool kid.

 

[Belgium]

I’ve long looked at my complete emotional numbness as a net positive as it helps me stay positive mentally in spite of all my medical issues etc.
Last that month that kinda changed though.

Through my volunteer work (IT/logistics) for a mental health non-profit organization co-founded by a close friend's girlfriend, I met a coworker named Amy. We quickly developed a mutually very close bond (as friends, she’s lesbian). Long story short, last month she told me that she had been struggling with serious suicidal thoughts but hiding it from everyone. She said I was the only one she felt comfortable enough with to confide in about her situation despite only knowing eachother since January. I did my best to listen and help her and she has now been consistently feeling well the past few weeks.
Throughout all that time though, I felt nothing emotionally despite the suicide topic and how much I value her.
The realization that even that situation doesn’t budge the numbness kinda hit a nerve.

Amy knows I’m that way. One of her big worries that holds her back from discussing her problems with others is potentially negatively affecting others’ emotions. With me she never has to worry about that at all so that numbness certainly does have its positives, both for others and myself.

Lately though I've been thinking more and more that I would like to reverse it at least to some extent, though I don't know if that's even possible.

 

[wayniac211]

Just bought a pair of ultra boost. First time since 97-99 since I bought an athletic non Nike pair of kicks

 

[marikomorose]

Oh I'll **** up a sentence.

 

[marikomorose]

I didn't hear the word "hotep" until this year. Al this time I've been reading it as "hot•ep" not "ho•tep". I no clue what this girl was referring to. I feel like the average person to know that word spends too much time on the internet. I am not exempt from this assessment.

 

[marikomorose]

Just bought a pair of ultra boost. First time since 97-99 since I bought an athletic non Nike pair of kicks

why have u been so loyal to nike for?

 

[wayniac211]

why have u been so loyal to nike for?

Was given a free pair of Barkley 180s by a Nike designer in lake Oswego/503 …think 1992/3.. pops was a bricklayer and did a swimming pool job for Nike dude. I helped out on the weekends ..
dude brought out this binder and asked if I played sports. Think I was 12 at the time. Told me about how their product was going to change the atheletes. It was a wrap since.. got my Barkley’s and played the best game ever. Next was air ups

 

[marikomorose]

I have an issue w/ being blunt. It's gotten better. But yeah, I be saying the 1st thing that pops up about 70% of the time. I still haven't managed to control my compulsiveness and impulsivity the way I'd like to. Like my impulsiveness contributed to me playing chicken while my compulsiveness attributed to me actually winning. I still think about how dumb and brave that **** was.

I'd say there was balance a few ago years, but idk what happened. I think the pandemic hitting the way it did stunted my progress for about a year march/april 2020 to march/april 2021, but I feel that groove back. I'm visibly seeing the progress so that's good. My copper tab quest really helped, it really helped me distinguish the difference between short-term goals & short term actions. The Last of Us Pt. 2 really helped put things in perspective for me as well.

I'm gonna get my passport when my hair grows, I think I want my hair to be gray in the picture.

 

[fahqu001]

Thats a wild story about dude and his cousin

I was just casually scrolling through while getting gas. After I read the cousin thing, I had to search

Ya man, my first time, was with my cousin. Pops' cousin's daughter.
She took it in the @ss tho. she wasn't prepared either...she rodeod the whole thing...
0 clue what I was doing...
she older, tho we were mad young. Never ever talked abt it. she grown now, accomplished, kids n ****. But i always wonder if it even cross her mind when we around..

Man, you’re a real one for sharing that story lol.

 

[kungfu koala]

old shi. itiswatitis

 

[8|24]

kungfu koala u iz a wild boi

 

[Mark Antony]

old? that was last month. Either way dont feel bad or attacked for it, just jokes. It's what the thread is for.

 

[theregothatman]

Don’t know if I can break it, I have attachment and abandonment issues. Just cutting them completely off is the only solution.

Go see a therapist!!!!!

 

[needsomejays]

Ever since my mom died last year I find it really hard to care about anything. Nothing really bring me happiness anymore. I'm on the verge of tears 24/7 since she passed. I used to be a very carefree person and never let stuff bother me. I'm incredibly miserable now and so many little things infuriate me these days

 

[marikomorose]

Ever since my mom died last year I find it really hard to care about anything. Nothing really bring me happiness anymore. I'm on the verge of tears 24/7 since she passed. I used to be a very carefree person and never let stuff bother me. I'm incredibly miserable now and so many little things infuriate me these days

You are still mourning. The fact that you even typed this up is proof of your progress. Losing your parent is a huge lost. Please try to be as healthy w/ yourself as you can, and talk about it or write it down & read it back to yourself. You can't live in your head w/ a loss like this, it'll cripple you. I'm sorry for your lost.

 

[marikomorose]

I indifference is the opposite of love, and hate as well. When you love or hate you're still showing that you care in someway. With indifference care very little if any at all.

 

[Belgium]

Ever since my mom died last year I find it really hard to care about anything. Nothing really bring me happiness anymore. I'm on the verge of tears 24/7 since she passed. I used to be a very carefree person and never let stuff bother me. I'm incredibly miserable now and so many little things infuriate me these days

Talking about what you're going through is always the best step to take and you've already taken a big leap forward by posting about it. Losing a parent is an incredibly tough situation to deal with and the healing process takes time.
Throughout this period, have you discussed how you're feeling with someone close to you?

Either way I would recommend seeking professional help. Seeking professional help generally seen as a big threshold to overcome but some people actually feel more comfortable discussing their feelings with a psychologist than with people they're close to.

 

[cragmatic]

My dad passed away when I was 6. I’m now almost 34. It’s something that I am now beginning to realize that I definitely didn’t process at the time and I’m not sure if I ever did. I’m starting to realize how much it has effected how I handle my emotions and how I am
In relationships.

My girl and I are expecting our first (my first as well) child in September. With that being said, it really makes me realize how I need to take better care of myself and make sure that I do all I can to live a healthy life and be there for our child.

My sisters father in law recently passed from covid. First person I’ve semi known since this all started. Really made me start thinking of death a little more. It‘a definitely a scary thought. I’m hoping I can live as long as possible, having a little one on the way has definitely given my life so much more purpose.

 

[marikomorose]

I genuinely believe that Russell Westbrook has never cheated on his wife; which I find to be very high value & respectable.

 

[marikomorose]

I don't understand basic internet trolls & scammers. Like I can find you, and I'm gonna send you a picture of where you stay. Then you're gonna backtrack.

 

[calypso chanta]

Cousin skeeter

underrated comment. You, win. lmao.

 

[kungfu koala]

I genuinely believe that Russell Westbrook has never cheated on his wife; which I find to be very high value & respectable.

I'd put $ down that he has. Same with lbj.
maybe i'm projecting, but it's nigh impossible passing up on having your pick of the crop....

 

[aepps20]

Ever since my mom died last year I find it really hard to care about anything. Nothing really bring me happiness anymore. I'm on the verge of tears 24/7 since she passed. I used to be a very carefree person and never let stuff bother me. I'm incredibly miserable now and so many little things infuriate me these days

I feel the same way.

 

[Hank Scorpio]

Ever since my mom died last year I find it really hard to care about anything. Nothing really bring me happiness anymore. I'm on the verge of tears 24/7 since she passed. I used to be a very carefree person and never let stuff bother me. I'm incredibly miserable now and so many little things infuriate me these days

I feel the same way.

I lost my mom back in 2016. You never really get over that kind of loss. You learn to deal with it and finally accept she is gone. I can't say it'll get easier very soon. Hell, it took me 5 years to begin accepting what happened. But never under any circumstances, let this feeling consume you. Try focusing and channeling that energy into something else. I know, easier said than done.

Surround yourself with positive people and situations. Remember the good times, and try to do something which would make your mom proud everyday. Doing this has helped me so much.

Hit me up if ya'll want to talk.

 

[aepps20]

I lost my mom back in 2016. You never really get over that kind of loss. You learn to deal with it and finally accept she is gone. I can't say it'll get easier very soon. Hell, it took me 5 years to begin accepting what happened. But never under any circumstances, let this feeling consume you. Try focusing and channeling that energy into something else. I know, easier said than done.

Surround yourself with positive people and situations. Remember the good times, and try to do something which would make your mom proud everyday. Doing this has helped me so much.

Hit me up if ya'll want to talk.

Thank you so much. Just hard to keep it moving but I know that things will eventually get better but it sucks. It hasn't been a month yet but I miss my mom. I know she was proud of me and that she wouldn't want me to be sad but it's hard.