Do you disqualify females based on past relationship history?

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

Let me be cereal and stop using the word cereal to make a point...
I've been hearing through the "grapevine" (still don't know %%$ this means) that because I said no to some chick based on her past b/f history that i'm a !##+$# up person.  

Now did I make this post to get people to co-sign with me?...absolutely

but i'd also like to hear some opinions from my peers.  I kind of understand that the past is the past and you should not judge a person based on their prior life but when it comes to relationship material I think you should.

 

[Sir San Diego]

So people can't learn from mistakes? Isn't that how we all grow and mature, by learning from our **%* ups? What did she do that was so bad?

 

[bleach]

i dont completely agree with the idea that "the past is the past"
the past in what shapes who we are in the present

 

[panaricanretro]

Spend time with a person to actually get to know them, instead of basing your opinion on what she tells you her past is or what you have/have-not heard. Half the time, the only difference between the girl who smashed 50 dudes and the girl who smashed 5 is that one chic is just choosing not to tell you about the other 45.

 

[MPLS612]

Originally Posted by bleach

i dont completely agree with the idea that "the past is the past"
the past in what shapes who we are in the present

This.
You really gotta get the whole story OP, maybe it was her partners fault?
Give us the whole story and throw in some pics to get this thing going..

 

[sillyputty]

Resumes matter...How much they matter differs. Sometimes its more about whats on the paper and other times its about what the intangibles are.
However...if we're talking about her just getting ran through like an O-line then... i'd have to think about that... because it shows her standard.

But if we are talking about women who are sexually responsible and have been in previous committed relationships

The older I get, no.

If you honestly think some other dude wasn't busting her down before you and you're both over the age of 22 then you are mistaken and horribly naive.

 

[thejrob]

Originally Posted by bleach

i dont completely agree with the idea that "the past is the past"
the past in what shapes who we are in the present

 

[chichiloves5s]

Definitely situational. But most of the time I don't gaf about the past unless rape/murder/pedophilia/incest/STDs were involved.

 

[dric]

The only person that can change a person is... the person themselves. So depending on what they did and how you feel about said person, then that should shape your decision. Me, i always give someone a chance based on who they are now rather than who they were. I take them at face value and deal with the dirt under the rug later.

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

In retrospect I just think i'm salty. Basically the situation is that I approached this girl in college she said no, she dated some dude in one of those hyperstrike bands that form in college

. I met her on the train going to an open house recently, her friend told me that she was feeling me and then I shut that !%$ down.

I mean I still find her super attractive but I feel like it's not good enough for me knowing that I got turned down for some faux jimmy eats world band member.

I mean it's not like I berated her about her choices, I just said that I wasn't feeling her like that and she asked me if it was because of that incident in college and I was like yea.

 

[MPLS612]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

In retrospect I just think i'm salty. Basically the situation is that I approached this girl in college she said no, she dated some dude in one of those hyperstrike bands that form in college

. I met her on the train going to an open house recently, her friend told me that she was feeling me and then I shut that !%$ down.
I mean I still find her super attractive but I feel like it's not good enough for me knowing that I got turned down for some faux jimmy eats world band member.
I mean it's not like I berated her about her choices, I just said that I wasn't feeling her like that and she asked me if it was because of that incident in college and I was like yea.

-1

 

[Sir San Diego]

Damn you're sensitive. It bothers you that much that the band dude got picked first? Obviously he didn't have what it took and now you're dq'ing yourself based on that?

 

[suprduperfly]

It could go so many ways.. smashing a chick that homeboys have, or an acquaintance has is a big no-no/pet peeve. That is just one on the "Bad Look" Checklist for me.
Stay true to yours, regardless of what people might think. After all, you will be the one to date her not them.


EDIT: (@ GRIM) I wouldn't have told her like you did but what's done is done. I'm curious to why that was her first guess right off the bat.
Did she say tell you straight up back then she chose dude over you?

 

[thatpersianguy]

Originally Posted by AME416

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

In retrospect I just think i'm salty. Basically the situation is that I approached this girl in college she said no, she dated some dude in one of those hyperstrike bands that form in college

. I met her on the train going to an open house recently, her friend told me that she was feeling me and then I shut that !%$ down.
I mean I still find her super attractive but I feel like it's not good enough for me knowing that I got turned down for some faux jimmy eats world band member.
I mean it's not like I berated her about her choices, I just said that I wasn't feeling her like that and she asked me if it was because of that incident in college and I was like yea.

-1

Word. Why would you even tell her that?

 

[Humbled]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

In retrospect I just think i'm salty. Basically the situation is that I approached this girl in college she said no, she dated some dude in one of those hyperstrike bands that form in college

. I met her on the train going to an open house recently, her friend told me that she was feeling me and then I shut that !%$ down.

I mean I still find her super attractive but I feel like it's not good enough for me knowing that I got turned down for some faux jimmy eats world band member.

I mean it's not like I berated her about her choices, I just said that I wasn't feeling her like that and she asked me if it was because of that incident in college and I was like yea.

Damn, your sensitive. 

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

well listen, at the end of the day I still feel I made the right decision cuz had me and this girl progressed even farther I probably would have just told her to kick rocks eventually. I think I gave the impression that this girl is wifey material...she's not and i'm not looking to complicate my life with her b.s. (family, chicken-head friends)

I think one of my best and worst qualities is that I tell it like it is and wear my heart on my sleeve.

I actually feel good that I told her like that.

Brolic your right. you old $%! $*%#!%$#**@!

 

[scshift]

Eh there's no right or wrong in a case like this.

If you don't care about someone's past, great, if you do care, more power to you. People are either going to call you immature or foolish no matter which choice you make, but at the end of the day, they're not the ones making the decision to connect with someone. The pasts of others affect different people differently.

Besides, how are you supposed to know that they've changed? It's so easy to lie and say you're a different person, doesn't mean you are. If you choose to turn someone away because of their past, you're making a decision on logic, which is smart. If you want to take them, then you run the risk that they haven't grown out of this "bad behavior", whatever it may be. Depends if you care about that risk or not.

 

[Sir San Diego]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

well listen, at the end of the day I still feel I made the right decision cuz had me and this girl progressed even farther I probably would have just told her to kick rocks eventually. I think I gave the impression that this girl is wifey material...she's not and i'm not looking to complicate my life with her b.s. (family, chicken-head friends)

I think one of my best and worst qualities is that I tell it like it is and wear my heart on my sleeve.

I actually feel good that I told her like that.

Brolic your right. you old $#@ +%%***$@$%%%

I'm the same way so, eh. Enjoy that feel bro.

 

[north dade represent]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

In retrospect I just think i'm salty. Basically the situation is that I approached this girl in college she said no, she dated some dude in one of those hyperstrike bands that form in college

. I met her on the train going to an open house recently, her friend told me that she was feeling me and then I shut that !%$ down.

I mean I still find her super attractive but I feel like it's not good enough for me knowing that I got turned down for some faux jimmy eats world band member.

I mean it's not like I berated her about her choices, I just said that I wasn't feeling her like that and she asked me if it was because of that incident in college and I was like yea.

I kinda like what you did but maybe not the rationale behind it. If you holler at a girl and she says no, there's really no reason why later on you should give her any play. I'm a firm believer that once you give someone the opportunity to be with you and they reject it, that's it. (Ok, maybe a smash and dash if she's a 9/10).

And I would expect a female to be the same way. In fact when I was young, I tried to holler at a girl I had previously turned down, and she looked at me like I was on crack. I couldn't do nothing but respect it.

But caring about the whole fake band dude makes you seem a little petty. So what if she dated a lame. Unless she was with dude for a long time and a lot of his personality rubbed off on her, then it really shouldn't matter.

You should have just said "I gave you a chance and you didn't take advantage of it". That would have came off a lot more legit.
  

 

[Gill Baka Esq. LLC.]

How the hell is that more legit than me telling her the truth?

I'm not trying to save face with this girl but at the same time I wasn't trying to be mean. I told it like it was. Open and shut case Johnson.

Me disqualifying her was two-fold, she passed me up (1) and she fell for the hype of this other dude (2). Like I think people misinterpret this as my being salty at the dude, I really don't care about the dude but it was the fact that she passed me up when I was showing her my best side and she now probably see's me for what I am, appreciates it and tried to holler at me and got denied

Looking back I think I should have just kept it at a no without a reason, only because now i've made it worse for the next man who comes with honest intentions like I did.

 

[monstar1]

Is that you drake?

You sound real soft and emotional

 

[thatpersianguy]

Originally Posted by GrimlocK

How the hell is that more legit than me telling her the truth?

I'm not trying to save face with this girl but at the same time I wasn't trying to be mean. I told it like it was. Open and shut case Johnson.

Me disqualifying her was two-fold, she passed me up (1) and she fell for the hype of this other dude (2). Like I think people misinterpret this as my being salty at the dude, I really don't care about the dude but it was the fact that she passed me up when I was showing her my best side and she now probably see's me for what I am, appreciates it and tried to holler at me and got denied

Looking back I think I should have just kept it at a no without a reason, only because now i've made it worse for the next man who comes with honest intentions like I did.

EDIT: nvm, but at the same time, I don't think it matters that she went for next dude over you. Just get over it, it's not a big deal.

 

[blackmagnus514]

Hi erin.

 

[snaggykicks]

find someone else

 

[tbone97]

just depends