Anyone Got Any Jokes?

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heres a stupid one, but it caught me off guard and started to laugh

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
 
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That was a good one.
 
Originally Posted by Spectacular23

heres a stupid one, but it caught me off guard and started to laugh

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"


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lovely

I'm gonna use this one as my next icebreaker
 
A man tells his wife "when i die i want you to cremate me and put me in salsa" the wife asks "why?" the man says "so i can tear that %+% up one more time"
 
You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
 
Originally Posted by Halftime718

You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
indifferent.gif
........................................
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Originally Posted by RASNEPONRAMA

A man tells his wife "when i die i want you to cremate me and put me in salsa" the wife asks "why?" the man says "so i can tear that %+% up one more time"

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this had me
 
Originally Posted by Halftime718

You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
You want to hear a joke about vaginas?

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind you'll never get it.
 
What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Spoiler [+]
Dr. Dre.
 
Originally Posted by Fog Raw

Originally Posted by Halftime718

You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
You want to hear a joke about vaginas?

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind you'll never get it.


wanna hear a joke about the disrespect?

Spoiler [+]
it is blatant!
 
Originally Posted by Club29

Originally Posted by Fog Raw

Originally Posted by Halftime718

You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
You want to hear a joke about vaginas?

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind you'll never get it.


wanna hear a joke about the disrespect?

Spoiler [+]
it is blatant!
roll.gif
.
 
Originally Posted by Fog Raw

Originally Posted by Halftime718

You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
You want to hear a joke about vaginas?

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind you'll never get it.
roll.gif
roll.gif
 
you guys hear about that new pirate movie?

Spoiler [+]
the one thats rated AARRRRRRRR

MC_ASK100.gif
 
Originally Posted by BRaTZ DoS

you guys hear about that new pirate movie?

Spoiler [+]
the one thats rated AARRRRRRRR

MC_ASK100.gif



I heard something similar to this in Spongebob.

Why couldn't the little girl see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated RRRRR
 
Originally Posted by Spectacular23

heres a stupid one, but it caught me off guard and started to laugh

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
that joke has everything
 
Originally Posted by Fog Raw

Originally Posted by Halftime718

You want to hear a joke about my penis

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind it's too long.
You want to hear a joke about vaginas?

Spoiler [+]
Nevermind you'll never get it.

eek.gif
roll.gif
roll.gif

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Spoiler [+]
Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

Spoiler [+]
I'm probably going to hell for that one.
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