- Jul 1, 2016
- 5,891
- 12,009
I mean, they're cool I guess...like squirrels and birds are cool.
there is nothing inherently "wrong" with them...it's just that all my best friends are human beings.
I guess, like, as long as they're in YOUR house, but what's with just bringing one to mine like I included your dog in the group text?
this is a Sapes-only space, Linda.
this is a restaurant, this is a plane, this is a pharmacy, this is where I buy clothes, please take it back home and keep it there.
don't get me wrong, they can be very useful. guard dogs, sheep dogs, seeing eye dogs, therapy dogs...a model helper species.
...but you know, while I'm at it, it's kind of annoying to have your companion dog hover around the table while we're eating.
no, it is not going to get a single taste of my delicious human food. not even a little bit. that begging face isn't even cute, it's annoying.
oh god here we go..."I hate dogs, I must be an actual no-******** BTK serial murderer, I eat blended babies with tortilla chips, blahblah."
not at all...I DO NOT hate your dog, or your cat, or your snake, or your gerbil, or your pet chicken. I would never think of harming them.
just like I would never think of harming YOUR PS4, because it belongs to you and you care about it.
I wouldn't even eat it in an emergency, the PS4 at least.
yeah tho I REALLY don't want to see pictures of your dog. you know what your dog looks like? the other dog, and the other one like it.
oh it has different color eyes? oh it has a white foot? holy **** there are spots of different color fur WOWOW!!!
it's kinda like breaking down the difference between Nike Air and Jumpman Jordan IIIs to some random on the street.
nobody but you and other dogheads care, and honestly I find it insufferably arrogant that you expect everyone to.
also, please stop telling me about the power struggle between you and your dog. it's almost never funny, it's usually always kinda sad.
if you can't consistently outsmart a dog with your big juicy primate brain and a set of opposable thumbs, that's YOUR PROBLEM.
oh you don't trust people who don't worship dogs? well I don't trust people who can't trust people, so we're even.
"unconditional love"...like anyone else who started feeding your dog bacon and kissing it on the mouth couldn't earn its' undying loyalty.
what kind of narcissist needs constant outside affirmation from a dependent anyway? seems unhealthy.
...but what really grinds my gears is when people say things like "I don't care when people die in movies BUT A DOG OMG"
you know what, if you care more about fictional dogs than actual people, you're a traitor to your ******* species.
oh, and before I forget...if your dog ever bites me, I will **** it so far up it will never come down.
I also understand I will have to fight you, and that's fine too. I will do what I must.
in closing, I hope people who say "doggo" and "pupper" feel the sensation of a mild papercut in the webbing of their fingers each time.
...other than that yeah, dogs are okay I guess.
there is nothing inherently "wrong" with them...it's just that all my best friends are human beings.
I guess, like, as long as they're in YOUR house, but what's with just bringing one to mine like I included your dog in the group text?
this is a Sapes-only space, Linda.
this is a restaurant, this is a plane, this is a pharmacy, this is where I buy clothes, please take it back home and keep it there.
don't get me wrong, they can be very useful. guard dogs, sheep dogs, seeing eye dogs, therapy dogs...a model helper species.
...but you know, while I'm at it, it's kind of annoying to have your companion dog hover around the table while we're eating.
no, it is not going to get a single taste of my delicious human food. not even a little bit. that begging face isn't even cute, it's annoying.
oh god here we go..."I hate dogs, I must be an actual no-******** BTK serial murderer, I eat blended babies with tortilla chips, blahblah."
not at all...I DO NOT hate your dog, or your cat, or your snake, or your gerbil, or your pet chicken. I would never think of harming them.
just like I would never think of harming YOUR PS4, because it belongs to you and you care about it.
I wouldn't even eat it in an emergency, the PS4 at least.
yeah tho I REALLY don't want to see pictures of your dog. you know what your dog looks like? the other dog, and the other one like it.
oh it has different color eyes? oh it has a white foot? holy **** there are spots of different color fur WOWOW!!!
it's kinda like breaking down the difference between Nike Air and Jumpman Jordan IIIs to some random on the street.
nobody but you and other dogheads care, and honestly I find it insufferably arrogant that you expect everyone to.
also, please stop telling me about the power struggle between you and your dog. it's almost never funny, it's usually always kinda sad.
if you can't consistently outsmart a dog with your big juicy primate brain and a set of opposable thumbs, that's YOUR PROBLEM.
oh you don't trust people who don't worship dogs? well I don't trust people who can't trust people, so we're even.
"unconditional love"...like anyone else who started feeding your dog bacon and kissing it on the mouth couldn't earn its' undying loyalty.
what kind of narcissist needs constant outside affirmation from a dependent anyway? seems unhealthy.
...but what really grinds my gears is when people say things like "I don't care when people die in movies BUT A DOG OMG"
you know what, if you care more about fictional dogs than actual people, you're a traitor to your ******* species.
oh, and before I forget...if your dog ever bites me, I will **** it so far up it will never come down.
I also understand I will have to fight you, and that's fine too. I will do what I must.
in closing, I hope people who say "doggo" and "pupper" feel the sensation of a mild papercut in the webbing of their fingers each time.
...other than that yeah, dogs are okay I guess.
I don't value or require the worship of inferior species.
